It’s every parent’s worst nightmare, turning around to see that your child isn’t where you thought they were. That fear is even worse when you’re in a crowd of strangers. And, worse yet, when it’s in the dark. This is a situation that I’m sure more than a few parents have found themselves in while Trick-or-Treating with their kids. But this can happen anywhere – at a beach, at a festival, in a shopping center, in an amusement park. Anywhere. And it can happen in an instant.

The other night, in two separate incidents, I helped to reunite lost kids with their parents during Trick-or-Treating. The first boy was a very little pre-K guy. He was very young and extremely terrified. The second boy was 9-ish. He was in an unfamiliar neighborhood and it was dark and crowded so he was also very scared. Both boys made the same mistake – they decided to wander aimlessly to look for their parents when they realized they were separated. Neither knew which direction they came from and they had turned themselves around so many times, they had no idea which way to go to retrace their steps. They were getting themselves even more lost.

Thankfully, I was able to help both boys reunite with their parents. Here are a few tips that could have helped them reunite with their parents even quicker:

  1. Teach your child not to wander aimlessly if they get separated from you
    Please tell your kids that the worst thing they can do when they get separated is to wander aimlessly in a random direction. They’ll likely just get themselves more lost. In both instances, when the kids’ parents did finally arrive, they came from the opposite direction than the kids had been moving in. Neither of the boys realized that they were moving away from, not toward, where their parents actually were. They were both convinced that they were falling behind and they were trying to “catch up” to their parents at a faster and faster pace when they were actually moving further and further away from them.
  2. Let your child know you WILL be looking for them if you get separated, so they should stay put in a safe, visible spot 
    Your child is going to be panicked if they get separated from you. Reassure them ahead of time that you will immediately be looking for them if they do get separated from you and tell them how important it is for them to stay planted in a safe and visible spot so you can find them. As soon as they realize they’re not with you, they should stop moving. Your child’s first instinct is going to be to try to find you but a moving target is going to be even harder to locate. Let them know that you will find them but they need to stay where they are so you can find them quicker. I had to continue to tell both boys in both incidents how important it was for them to stay where they were and not continue to wander around in the dark. Their instinct to stay on the move to find mom and dad was strong.
  3. Teach your child to identify a “safe stranger”
    Most kids know the easily identifiable safe strangers like police officers and firefighters but they’re not always going to see one of these safe strangers when they’re lost in a crowd. Other moms are often a default safe stranger in lost-in-a crowd situations. Make sure that your child knows to stay in a public place when they ask for help from any safe stranger. Getting into a car or going inside a house or going to a different location with that stranger is NOT a part of the plan. They should stay in a public, visible place where there are lots of eyes around while they’re getting assistance. If the stranger tries to take them to a different location, make sure that your child knows that it’s ok to make a lot of noise to get other people’s attention.
  4. Make sure your child knows Mom and Dad’s first names (for younger kids)
    The good thing for the little guy was that he knew both his mom and dad’s names when I asked him. That’s really important for your kids to know. If your little ones only know you as Mommy and Daddy, it’s going to be harder for someone to help find you if your child is lost in a crowd. Let them know that it’s not only not rude to yell for you by your first name if they’re lost, it’s actually going to help you find them faster. There are likely to be a lot of kids yelling Mom and Dad in a lot of these settings – to the point where you may tune out hearing it. If your child is yelling for your specific names, it will help your little one’s voice cut through the sound clutter quicker. It will also help for others to start tracking you down.
  5. Make sure your child knows Mom and Dad’s cell phone numbers (for school-aged kids)
    The older boy knew his parents’ names, of course, but he didn’t know their cell phone numbers. He only knew the first few digits. Please teach your kids your cell phone numbers. Or tuck a card with your numbers written on it in their pocket if you’re going to be going someplace where you might get separated from them. It will be easier for someone to let you know that your child is safe and help you reunite quickly if they get separated from you.
  6. Make sure you have a designated meet-up location in case you get separated (for your older kids)
    Obviously, if your kids are older and can navigate around a bit, you can plan a meet-up location where you can all go to find each other if you do get separated. Make sure you reiterate where it is several times and make sure that your child repeats it to you to help them remember. Of course, if your child is very little, this isn’t feasible. That’s why it’s SO important for them to know that they need to stay put in a safe, visible place and not get themselves even more lost and in more danger.
  7. Oh… and parents, #7 is for you. If your child does get separated from you in a crowd – a little appreciation, please?
    If you happen to get separated from your kids on a dark street, in a crowd of strangers, and someone is nice enough to take time away from their kids’ night to stay with your kids to calm them down… help them feel safe… make sure that they don’t get abducted… keep them from ending up flattened on the road… help them find you, etc, you might want to at LEAST make eye contact if you can’t manage a simple thank you to acknowledge them. Seriously. WTH?!?!? I hung out with the little, little guy for a decent amount of time, calming him down and letting him know that everything would be ok. When his dad finally arrived, he didn’t even make eye contact. He just grabbed the boy, shook his head and walked off. The older boy’s parents managed to make eye contact with me but still, not one word. Don’t get me wrong. I was happy to do it. I’m glad I was there to help. But, seriously, I would have shown more gratitude than that if someone had returned my lost glove to me. Your CHILD was missing for a good chunk of time, in the dark, surrounded by strangers and someone kept them safe for you. A simple thank you is more than appropriate.

Look, I get it. Kids wander. They get swept up in the excitement. They get distracted. Parents get distracted too. This could have ended SO badly for either of these boys, especially the little guy. He was wandering up a hill in the middle of a street, heading toward a busy street. He was crying so much and he was so panicked and focused on looking for his parents that I’m not sure he would have noticed the traffic ahead. Know that this can happen in an instant – to anyone. These things happen and it doesn’t make you a bad parent. But PLEASE have a plan for if and when it does happen because there are too many of these stories that do end badly.